That’s How it’s Going to Be
This spring, I had a small job at the bookstore on my campus. It lasted for just two weeks and a few students showed up for the temporary job, including a young guy, probably 16. The fact that he was the same age as my younger brother did not stop him from tossing out a few “smooth” lines and dry humor in an attempt to catch my attention.
Ha ha. Very funny.
At first, I tried to be nice and to ignore him, but ignoring some guys nicely just doesn’t work. Then he sort of crossed the line, jabbing me on my arm playfully as if we were buddies and then half-jokingly tried to get me to hit him back.
If any guy knew me, they wouldn’t suggest that…
I turned around and told him that this was a job, and we were supposed to be professional, and that it was probably not a good idea to treat me like that.
He was stunned. Then embarrassed, then angry.
“Fine,” he said, “if that’s how it’s going to be…”
Yep. That’s how it’s going to be.
A Little Soft is Too Soft
You might ask if I really have to be so “hard on guys.” And maybe you’re right. I know as women, we are wired to be concerned with the feelings of others and most of our decisions are based on how they will make someone feel. So when it comes to guys, we naturally don’t want to hurt their feelings or come across as insensitive…so we try not to be too hard. But while we mean well by being nice and agreeable, this isn’t exactly the way some guys interpret it. They might see it as an invitation to flirt, tease, and even try to get a “like” on. These guys will take advantage of any “softness” you try to show them and before you know it, you’ll let your whole guard down, convinced that they don’t mean any harm, but for these guys, a little soft is too soft.
The Secret
Being hard doesn’t mean being rude or unsociable. It doesn’t mean slaying every guy you cross paths with by looks of iron. What it does mean is having boundaries that you do not compromise, and it does mean having the guts to tell a guy to “back off.” But anyone can say this; any woman can keep the guys at bay. That’s not the point. The point is learning to keep healthy distances because of the deep respect you have for both yourself and for young men. It’s also because you learn to appreciate the rules that God has for your interaction with young men. This is the difference between the “I don’t need a man” girl power attitude, and a simple, yet strong healthy respect for their role. In the Bible, Paul wrote something very specific for the way young women should act: he said we should have a gentle spirit and be full of good deeds. The secret of steel is gentleness. It’s a gentle but firm commitment to respecting yourself, young men, and Godly boundaries.
To Be Remembered
Waiting may not seem like a very active word. You probably have the whole “damsel in a castle waiting to be rescued” image pop in your head, and why that’s great and all, it’s also a little misleading. Yes there’s a part of us that’s waiting to be rescued into romance, but until then let’s not settle by being passive women. Waiting and hoping takes a lot more action than you think. Being hard is something you work toward. It takes action, not passivity. But that’s okay, because after all, passive women are never remembered. So set your boundaries, and, ladies, stick to your guns.
